leaving a legacy

As I spend time reflecting on the last year with my dad, I can't help but come back to a few key themes. It seems that he may have had the foresight that his life was ending, and he spent the last 12 months ensuring that the legacy he left behind, would not only leave an imprint on me, but give me reminders on how to successfully parent our 3 children. It's as though he knew his days were numbered, though truly no one did, and let go of all the petty problems, and focused on what mattered most.

Gratitude:
I can't begin to count the number of times he would send a message of true appreciation. Whether it be a 'thank you' for a gift, or a message to tell me how much he loved seeing us over a holiday, though possibly for just a few short hours. He knew the effort that we took to ensure we spent time with all sides of the family, and was sincerely appreciative. He didn't focus on what he didn't receive, but rather, was completely thankful for what he did, even if it was only a few hours. The first time I saw one of those text messages from him, Ryan and I both had a little bit of a blank stare. But they became more frequent and I sensed he simply wanted to share his gratitude. And looking back now, it meant the world to me that he shared those feelings with us.

Proud:
I think every child grows up hoping to make their parents proud. I know I did. Throughout my upbringing, I got good grades, I hung out with the nice crowd, and I didn't get into (much) trouble. Sure my parents were proud of me. But over the last couple of years, dad really had a much more purposeful way of expressing this, particularly to me, with his words. He'd hear me talk about work, or watch me busily manage 3 kids and cook a meal (which sometimes feels like I'm standing on my head while juggling) and would comment "I'm proud of you". Just like that, he'd give me a simple reminder that what I was doing meant something, and he was proud to watch it all unfold.

Love: 
Let me preface this by saying we weren't the super affectionate family that you see in Hallmark cards. But over the last year, there was a feeling of deep caring and love. A true love for not only his own (now adult) kids, but for his grand-kids as well. He loved spending time with them and seeing them grow.

Happiness:
Oh let's be real, dad was always one to try to get a laugh out of people. And with the advancements in technology, his methods simply changed. Instead of being face to face and telling a joke (and he had many of them...some far more inappropriate than others!), he LOVED to send the .gif via text messages to all of us. He knew some would get more of a laugh than others but we all know he had his favorite ones. And then there was his beloved YouTube videos that would make him get up and dance....or just sit in the recliner and dance! He sure was happy :)

At the end of the day, when I think back to the last year, I take comfort in knowing how grateful he was to have his family, how proud he was to be a part of it, how much he loved us all and in doing all of that, how happy it made him feel.

Miss him daily, think of him hourly. Love you dad.